That heavy, gray feeling.

I felt it this morning as I got up to a house still quiet, not early, only a short time until the stirring of joyful (most of the time) little feet, I let the dogs out, who also wake with excitement to the new day ahead. It is there this morning weighing me down like the gray sky outside. What is it, is it despair, sadness, what???  Is it a soul hole?  I am feeling the weight of the reality of the burdens over us, today it is bills that need urgent payment, so I ask God, how do I have eucharisteo with this, I am not letting it stress me out, like usual I just try to maintain and just get by, but that's not enough.  Do I say thank you Lord that we cant (today anyway) pay our bills, is this a gift, if everything given from God is a gift then yes it is a gift and I have to receive it with the same joy that I have with gifts that bring pleasure. It does not feel natural, I sadly am not in a habit of thanking God for the what feels like nonstop difficult times, I have only done it on occasion. Maybe this is what He is waiting for from me, from John, from US, true eucharisteo in everything.  Jesus knew what was coming and as he broke the bread he was in true eucharisteo.  I long for the days where I did have joy and optimism everyday, taking in the small pleasures, enjoying life. God gives us gifts everyday and we need to take them in, he has joy for us, a hope for our future.   There is no reason for this feeling, I AM BLESSED, I have a husband who loves me and is willing to work out our issues, I have amazing children whom I love deeply, and we are healthy, God IS taking care of us every day.  So I tell myself get over IT,  but what is IT?
A soul hole, too much ungratefulness especially in the hard things, and not enough eucharisteo?  Some how I got here, I try to give thanks to Him for things we may take for granted, but I think the batterings of life have taken their tole, and enough is enough.
So today do I just say thank you we cant pay these things, that we have no money, I suppose I do.
I will work on writing down on my list of 1000 gifts, God is tugging at my heart and i NEED to respond.
Thank you Lord.

Learning to see the gifts, trying to live in "EUCHARISTEO" #1

1.  A sweet 8yr old boy laying on his back, on the floor, with a big smile and in complete joy, just playing with a balloon.
To have complete joy that a child has in the simplest things, to just take in those small moments, to smile, to have no worries, just living life to the fullest. These precious beings that God has entrusted to us, they are the embodiment of living life to the fullest, watch them, they get joy out of the simple things, hearts so pure and innocent, do their hearts poor out Eucharisteo, and they don't even know it?
How did we lose that, was it all the battering of life, the pain, the disappointments, the fear?
We are to have childlike faith.

'We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings". Romans 5:2b-3a.
I am trying Lord, trying to have thanksgiving (Eucharisteo) in everything, trying to see it all as a gift, because it all comes from You, and You are a good and loving God, trying not to live in in the cloud if despair anymore, trying to live life to the fullest because that is what You have for us. You know your plan, I do not.

One thousand gifts

 I am reading a really great book by Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts.
As I search to find the joy that has seem to have left my life and has filled the space with fear, doubt, and concern about life and what it is going to bring us, as we are sitting on the edge of what feels like complete ruin: our home, our marriage, lack of work, raising and leading our children in a Godly direction, making right choices in homeschooling,  and as I spent time in an inductive bible study on Revelations, i feel the stress of the signs I see in the world. So I believe God has lead me to this book to help me get my perspective back, to find my joy again, my joy in Him. Oh to have peace, to feel loved, and to be still in Him, and remember He is in control and has a plan,  to just have complete faith in that. So life is not really near ruin, just a time to grow and to trust and be thankful in EVERYTHING. All  I truly want is to have Him say well done my good and faithful servant, but I know there have been times I have failed at that, and given in to fear and concern and frustration, wondering Lord why don't you hear me? I know He does hear me and I know He loves me, I just need to remember "eucharisteo".

This is the beginning :)

Welcome friends,  as I make some time I will share what My journey is as a mom and wife trying to seek the heart of God and all the marvelous and at times painful places that takes me.  I love to eat and feed my family mostly vegan type foods that consist of a lot of raw eating,  though my husband is a hunter and fisherman so we do enjoy the organic bounty that he supplies as the Lord provides to him, I will share that journey and some great recipes. I am very into natural health so you will DEFINITELY be seeing posts about that and my opinionated (with love) ideas on that whole area as well :)  It may seem at time that I have random ramblings of sort, and yes, that would be true, sometimes ya just gotta laugh at me :-)  I will truly enjoy sharing and having you share with me some great DIY ideas for around the house, and as possible income makers, as many of us are single income homes because we have fallowed Gods lead for our lives and are stay at home moms, who by the way have some amazing talents that need to shine through.
Stay tuned for the great adventure ahead,  God bless.    Melissa