Is this it, are we nearly done here?

We were 20 when we saw it, just a piece of property being prepped to build a house, the builder owned it and had the plans all set for this place.  We were engaged to be married and we were looking for a place to live and start a family, here in this little town we knew nothing about, but fell in love with its charm and beauty, this is a good place to live. So we patiently waited, (some times not so patient) we got married and waited for our new home to be done, we were so excited to take on this new adventure.
This home has seen the birth of 5 amazing gifts from God, our precious children, It has seen us through some hard times, some of those very difficult and extremely painful, and it has seen us through great amazing happy times. This is the place where we have grown,  God has been in this place, here with us, and I would not trade it for anything, what an incredible 20 years it has been.
Over the last few years life financially had become more difficult than it usually was, with the crash of the economy the shipwright's business slowed down to barely any work at all, we had just recently been led into an investment with others in our community that ended up being a bad thing and this only added to the crippling of our financial being.  God has a plan He always has a plan and sometimes it seems like a really bad plan to us, but we have to trust and follow Him and His plan, these are plans to grow us and to build our relationship with Him, He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, hope for a future.
So as we have spent the last 2 years trying to work with the mortgage company, ( which has been a nightmare and requires a whole separate blog post ) We have spent a lot of time on so many emotions and mental state's of being, and yes I am ashamed to say there were not always times of "well done my good and faithful servant" there were times of intense stress, worry and fear and it has created a very challenging life, that at times has taken its toll on the marriage. But God is good and He has carried us and I am now in a place where I am learning eucharisteo and finding those everyday gifts, turning completely to Him, and remembering He has a plan and no matter what, we will be just fine, Where we live does not decide who we are, we are His and we are loved, there is a plan for our life and we need to fully trust in that and rest in Him.
Yesterday we finally received what looks like might be a final decision on our life in this home, they want many thousands and now say they do not have anything they can set up for us to stay here, we knew this day may be coming so it is not a shock and we have been mentally prepared, but if we have to go there will be a mourning and a sadness mixed in with trusting God and leaning on Him and his plan for us, It is just that fear of the unknown, and the letting go of what we have known as our life in this place.
So as I rise this morning I feel that heaviness, as I look out into the back yard as I do every morning working on that daily ritual of coffee making, I feel the sadness that this may soon no longer be our back yard, that place where 5 children have roamed, played hard in and grown up in. I know as I take on these days to come i will see everything in this new light, the new light I have been trying to avoid going into.         Nothing is set in stone yet, there is no Final decision yet and we will see what is in store for us, so today we take on a new path, meeting with a professional who will give us (hopefully) some guidance on what path we should take, a possible path we have been trying to avoid, but again God is good and we will see what His plan for us is and just live in complete trust and faith.
today and each day ahead I will look for all the little gifts that the Lord lays out for us each day, and that is how I will get by, to live in eucharisteo so that I can have peace and joy in the Lord no matter what the circumstance.   Life is not an emergency, I will not make it an emergency any more, though it looks like it, THIS is not an emergency, it is just another part of life, the dying of one part that will lead into the birth of something new, something fresh and exciting, it is exciting to trust God and to follow Him into something that we have no sight of, something unplanned by us, but completely planned out by Him, though it may not lead for now to a place we even want to go. He knows what is best and we are here to serve Him, to trust and to follow, we will get to live in complete bliss when our time on this dying earth is over, then we will have our permanent home in a mansion.
This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. 

13 is a blessing.

Happy 13th Birthday sweet Christa, we have come a long way baby :)

                                                           A rough beginning.

                                                        2lb. 8oz. 27 weeks gestation

Born early because mom was sick with severe toxemia, so Christa had to be taken to save moms life.

 It was pure torture and heart wrenching to see this poor precious baby suffer and be so uncomfortable with this new life she had been thrown into, but God was with her and this little girl was prayed for and loved with all we had.  It was a day to day process never knowing if she would even make it for the first few weeks, but God is good and He carried us and we had great faith, God WAS our comforter.  She was our GIFT and boy did we know eucharisteo with the littlest things that went on in her fragile life, every tiny improvement was cheered for.

This was such a hard time in our lives, we were running numb most of the time, it was so painful to leave her when it was time to go and take care of our other blessings, her 2 older siblings.  We did not live near the hospital and had no family close to help out so we were not able to be there every moment of each day, but again God comforted us in this and He provided friends to help as they were able. We wanted so badly for her to be well and not be in such discomfort, oh how she was covered in prayer.

After 52 days in the hospital she was finally ready to come home, we finally got to bring this angel home, our miracle gift, she made some amazing leaps and was healthy, oh how we praised God for this beautiful girl, we knew God must have something great for this child.  such relief to finally have her home with her family and to cover her with all our love.

This precious girl is a reflection of God every day, she is so tender, so loving and so kind, she has a very special spirit about her, she is not in a hurry to grow up and be a teenager she is so pure in spirit,  and deeply loves those around her. She is talented in crafting, loves animals very much, and has an amazing smile and happy attitude.  Yes God has amazing things in store for her, she is meant for greatness even if it is not in ways that many will know, what ever Gods plans are for her all will be blessed who are in her life.
Thank you Lord for allowing us to have this child of yours in our life.

Happy Birthday my precious, I look forward to many more.

Joy is a choice.

It has been brought to my attention that people who know me are concerned I may be depressed or something that looks like that. No, I am not,  I can see how some may think that based on my writing, thank you guys for your love, you are very sweet.  Some days you just feel gray and life has had it's knocks. Thankfully I do not have the chemical imbalance that some suffer with, so for me to have depression which I have been in at times, it would be because i choose to turn from God, to stop trusting, to stop following, not even realizing that is what I had done. I can choose to say YES to God in everything, or only in the things that feel good and then say NO to Him when things don't go well, how sad that is.
As a parent imagine how deeply touched you would be, and they joy in your heart you would have if your precious children whom you love with all your being, were to look at you when times are hard for them and maybe you had to discipline them; for them to say to you I love you mom or dad and I know you only have the best for me, and to say thank you for caring for me, I trust you completely and I will fallow what ever you have for me, then for them to come into your open loving arms for comfort, for them to not reject you and your loving heart. But I don't know if that ever happens, when they are unhappy with us because we had to discipline or stand by and  guide them when they don't want it, through hard times, they usually are upset with us and they are clearly saying with attitude and sometimes words, NO. And it hurts us, it is so hard sometimes to be a parent but you have to look out for them and do what is best, sometimes that is extremely hard but it is what they need, to be guided in the right direction, this is what you do for those babies whom you love.
I don't want to say NO to God, to turn from Him because I don't like it, to give into fear and doubt or frustration, because i know He loves me and He is in control, all things eventually work out for good, and we may never see it, I need to turn to His open loving arms for comfort and peace.   Eucharisteo, I need to live in eucharisteo.
"Thy will be done"   Some times it is a fight, a fight inside me for joy, joy even in the hard times, but what intimacy that can bring in your relationship With God, to find joy somehow in those hard times, to completely and with ALL your being trust Him. It is so easy to forget, one minute it is easy to find things to put on your list of gifts, your gratitude, then in an instant the kids or something else can and usually do, shatter that moment of easy intimacy with Christ, it's then that you forget, you are thrown back into old habits, you yell or snap, then no one is happy and nothing good has come of an opportunity to live and be an example of Christ's love, grace, and mercy.  It is then that you are saying NO to God for this gift, rejecting Him.            Practice, practice,  practice.
As Ann has said in her book "only self can kill joy, I'm the one doing this to me"
When you continually live without joy, you will shrivel, every moment will feel gray and hopeless, this is death, make a choice, choose to live in Gods new mercies every day, for the tinniest gifts He fills your days with, to remember His deep love for you and to COMPLETELY trust him without any doubt;    or choose death, death of your joy, your soul.
Choose eucharisteo, choose joy, this IS living, living with a loving God.

That heavy, gray feeling.

I felt it this morning as I got up to a house still quiet, not early, only a short time until the stirring of joyful (most of the time) little feet, I let the dogs out, who also wake with excitement to the new day ahead. It is there this morning weighing me down like the gray sky outside. What is it, is it despair, sadness, what???  Is it a soul hole?  I am feeling the weight of the reality of the burdens over us, today it is bills that need urgent payment, so I ask God, how do I have eucharisteo with this, I am not letting it stress me out, like usual I just try to maintain and just get by, but that's not enough.  Do I say thank you Lord that we cant (today anyway) pay our bills, is this a gift, if everything given from God is a gift then yes it is a gift and I have to receive it with the same joy that I have with gifts that bring pleasure. It does not feel natural, I sadly am not in a habit of thanking God for the what feels like nonstop difficult times, I have only done it on occasion. Maybe this is what He is waiting for from me, from John, from US, true eucharisteo in everything.  Jesus knew what was coming and as he broke the bread he was in true eucharisteo.  I long for the days where I did have joy and optimism everyday, taking in the small pleasures, enjoying life. God gives us gifts everyday and we need to take them in, he has joy for us, a hope for our future.   There is no reason for this feeling, I AM BLESSED, I have a husband who loves me and is willing to work out our issues, I have amazing children whom I love deeply, and we are healthy, God IS taking care of us every day.  So I tell myself get over IT,  but what is IT?
A soul hole, too much ungratefulness especially in the hard things, and not enough eucharisteo?  Some how I got here, I try to give thanks to Him for things we may take for granted, but I think the batterings of life have taken their tole, and enough is enough.
So today do I just say thank you we cant pay these things, that we have no money, I suppose I do.
I will work on writing down on my list of 1000 gifts, God is tugging at my heart and i NEED to respond.
Thank you Lord.

Learning to see the gifts, trying to live in "EUCHARISTEO" #1

1.  A sweet 8yr old boy laying on his back, on the floor, with a big smile and in complete joy, just playing with a balloon.
To have complete joy that a child has in the simplest things, to just take in those small moments, to smile, to have no worries, just living life to the fullest. These precious beings that God has entrusted to us, they are the embodiment of living life to the fullest, watch them, they get joy out of the simple things, hearts so pure and innocent, do their hearts poor out Eucharisteo, and they don't even know it?
How did we lose that, was it all the battering of life, the pain, the disappointments, the fear?
We are to have childlike faith.

'We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings". Romans 5:2b-3a.
I am trying Lord, trying to have thanksgiving (Eucharisteo) in everything, trying to see it all as a gift, because it all comes from You, and You are a good and loving God, trying not to live in in the cloud if despair anymore, trying to live life to the fullest because that is what You have for us. You know your plan, I do not.

One thousand gifts

 I am reading a really great book by Ann Voskamp, one thousand gifts.
As I search to find the joy that has seem to have left my life and has filled the space with fear, doubt, and concern about life and what it is going to bring us, as we are sitting on the edge of what feels like complete ruin: our home, our marriage, lack of work, raising and leading our children in a Godly direction, making right choices in homeschooling,  and as I spent time in an inductive bible study on Revelations, i feel the stress of the signs I see in the world. So I believe God has lead me to this book to help me get my perspective back, to find my joy again, my joy in Him. Oh to have peace, to feel loved, and to be still in Him, and remember He is in control and has a plan,  to just have complete faith in that. So life is not really near ruin, just a time to grow and to trust and be thankful in EVERYTHING. All  I truly want is to have Him say well done my good and faithful servant, but I know there have been times I have failed at that, and given in to fear and concern and frustration, wondering Lord why don't you hear me? I know He does hear me and I know He loves me, I just need to remember "eucharisteo".

This is the beginning :)

Welcome friends,  as I make some time I will share what My journey is as a mom and wife trying to seek the heart of God and all the marvelous and at times painful places that takes me.  I love to eat and feed my family mostly vegan type foods that consist of a lot of raw eating,  though my husband is a hunter and fisherman so we do enjoy the organic bounty that he supplies as the Lord provides to him, I will share that journey and some great recipes. I am very into natural health so you will DEFINITELY be seeing posts about that and my opinionated (with love) ideas on that whole area as well :)  It may seem at time that I have random ramblings of sort, and yes, that would be true, sometimes ya just gotta laugh at me :-)  I will truly enjoy sharing and having you share with me some great DIY ideas for around the house, and as possible income makers, as many of us are single income homes because we have fallowed Gods lead for our lives and are stay at home moms, who by the way have some amazing talents that need to shine through.
Stay tuned for the great adventure ahead,  God bless.    Melissa